It’s Rosh-Hashanah, starting yesterday. I hope the year brings much sweetness.
I’ve gotten used to wearing wool socks. Normally always barefoot and free, my wool socks are the first thing I’ve been reaching for all summer. Well, granted it has been somewhat cold, but this behavior is so unlikely for me. Its like my boots, I’ve gotten used to gum boots, lined boots, somewhere along the line I have gotten used to appropriate foot wear. I am sure all my nannies and aunties would be proud.
I have changed. I have been irrevocably changed by a place.
For a while there I’d been stubbing my toe. My left toe, throbbing and in pain had been screaming at me and the minute I forgot about it, felt it subside, it reasserted itself onto the environment around; a kick, a trip, a slip here or a twist there.
I admit I am wounded, but how?
Is this a mere thrashing up against the unknown, the details of the future?
I merely ponder these things in jest.
I think to Nadia who would remind me of my never ending Grrr at the spiritual or emotional causes behind some of the injuries I’ve been incurring. She would remind me about what I’m supposed to be paying attention to, get me back on track.
But here it is the never ending worry about future details. For some, who’ve planned their future out methodically and without the whim of the universe intervening, this concept is irrelevant. Good for all of you!
For me, I am on the move again. It is a life of contrast at the moment and the times when things are really good, seem to also parallel confusion for me. Maybe I make life harder than it has to be, maybe it should be simple? Where should I be, what should I be doing? Am I wasting time? Is this valuable? What is all of this?
All these questions, "Hello Ground" will explain everything, particilarly from the perspective of the Sperm Whale or a Bowl of Petunias.
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=h02a2HSB58M
On the Equinox Ross and I were standing on the deck and looked out, and saw a great orange light in the sky that kept getting bigger and brighter and we actually got to see the moon rise up out of the ocean, on fire and glowing orange.
Jenny Bourne was on the beach that night and took this picture.
On the plane to come from Masset to Vancouver I was sitting with my friend Jewel and I looked down into my purse and low and behold there is my headlamp, a reminder that I should stay when every fiber of my being says run. Who falls so deeply in love with a place? Sometimes great things bring out my instinct for flight. Running sometimes brings something wonderful, though I can’t run forever, I need to remember stand my ground and hold on until the storm passes and I can think clearly again. Mostly none of this matters anyway. It is all a dream, an illusion. I have no way to know if this being is the right way to be right now, so the worry is irrelevant. This body, these thoughts, this world, its all on loan, nothing is permanent, most things don’t last forever. All I know is I have to make sure I get back home to Haida Gwaii, where else would I use a headlamp?
Before I forget, make sure you get out and vote. Check out Moonwomans great political astrological blogs she's been doing leading up to the election.
http://wisewomaninwoods.blog.ca
Check out Elections Canada: http://www.elections.ca
There were changes to the Canada Elections Act in 2007, you might want to check those out...
In my day to day life, I did another Novel in Three Days contest, third year in a row. That was fun in the little cabin with no power, especially when the battery kept dying every couple hours, finally I begged Erin to let me come over and write. A novel I’ve started with some Williams Lake content, all my friends should start panicking; jokes.
I finished the dreadful airport gig with no love lost, and helicopters and planes and people all in chaos. I can’t imagine how I ran around shouting at pilots and guests and employees all summer, a condition and state of being for Angela that will not be revisited.
Last week my friend Frank had a chieftainship potlatch and it was really great to see this peaceful man become a leader. He and I have been chatting this summer at the airport, when he comes to drop off parcels for his grandson.
I am not at Alaskaview this winter, and I’m in the city for sometime while Dawn is going to have her baby. I can’t believe Violet is almost two years old. I have a funny feeling Dawn is going to have the boy, finally.
Well, we will see. But I’m thinking, with all this chaos going on, all these feelings of being conflicted, and plans being overturned, its got to be some sort of switch up to keep me on my toes in preparation for the boy. I predict a hellion.
Dawn is also experiencing a lot of chaos, as well. Okay, it may not be the boy. It won’t be fair, oh Dawn and poor daddy. Me in my lacy pink stirrup pants and legwarmers and every girlie item you could imagine. At least my father got to take Dawn to buy her boys sweat pants and running shoes every once in a while. At least SHE took shop in school as an elective, not to mention that winning first prize in the smoke show at school with all the boys and HER in her supped-up pickup truck that had TESTOSTERONE written on the back window.
I predict a boy. If it is a boy I pray for one thing. Dear God, give us this one thing, make him strong so he’s not emasculated by the strong willed and overbearing females that surround him on eight sides, oozing with feminine charm, wiles, ideas, schemes, games and many, many girlie costumes.
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Yesterday in the wild my sister and I went for a hike up to Birkenhead Lake, hiked around and came out with some beautiful pine mushrooms. Of course seeing the sun for the first time all year, there has been a lack for me in Haida Gwaii, in the stifling 25 degree heat we got naked and went skinny dipping, Dawn a sight to be seen with big pregnant belly wading into the lake.
I even wrote her a poem, so lovely was it.
Where Sleeping Dogs Lie
My legs splayed up and around a log
Under infinite blue
Under a green tree lined ridge
Below snow covered mountain tops
On grass peppered with autumn leaves
One eye closed and squinting to see you
Naked below me and curled up
With arms around pregnant belly
Your back against a weathered log toasted in the sun
The dog asleep at your feet
Drying from the lake where we’ve just emerged
Naked with luminous skin
Droplets merging and running
Down soft pliant necks
Far reaching perpetually embracing arms
Watersheds down spines of steel
Under ample bottoms
Down legs that will never surrender
You look as though you’ve swallowed the moon
Luminous as the suns rays reach out to you
Or your light reaches the sun
These are our bodies, the center of all,
By this log, by this lake,
By this mountain,
The sound of the creek, the breeze,
The bees, dragon flies and crow
Stretching out into infinity
What more to life is there to know
What I already know is enough
What I don’t know
I don’t need to know yet.
Well, fair winds and follwing seas my friends,
Hope everyone is well and in good Autumnal spirits wherever you are.
My Love As Always,
Angela
