I just made a very lovely spreadsheet detailing my plant gathering and medicine making endeavours. Totally geeking out, I don’t know which I am geeking out more on, the satisfaction of seeing all my plant data right there or the order and perfection in which the spread sheet displays the information.
Ah, the integration. As things become clearer for me there is a certain amount of satisfaction going on about how I can integrate all the different aspects of my life, together. Embracing all the parts.
I have had a momentous week. A few massive realizations and some very realistic conclusions to be made. I feel somewhat like I grew up. Let go of some nagging things. Put to bed this idea that I have been fawking around and not making any progress in my life, that I have been wasting time and that I made the wrong decisions, because I didn’t and I need to stop listening to my doubts or the naysayers in my life. Hopefully I am moving into a space where I can integrate what I have learned. Life comes full circle sometimes and I feel like the two edges of my life are coming together to meet each other for the first time in years.
I think I may have even danced around the kitchen, it was that good of a week. I felt happy for the first time in a long time. I think I could even call it excitement. I had extra time on Salt Spring and got to gather some plants with Jasmyn and Kevin, and then I spent the rest of the week at my sister’s house, making medicine and sitting on the dock staring up at Mount Currie. Stripped and tried for a swim but I sunk into the muck at the edge of the lake and that was it for me, couldn’t go back into the water. Panic ensued, hyperventilating and voila... no swimming for me. The trick is, jump in off the dock, don’t touch the bottom. I have an irrational fear about lakes and bodies of water in general, and if we start off weird with each other, I panic. It’s like eating eggs. Conditions gotta be just right.
The kitchen dancing is preceded by news, Mio and Sebbe have bought an apartment in Nice, France. Oh, how lovely. It is incentive, to not accept this life I am living. Pam and I have already made travelling vows. OH! French. French French French. I could fall in love with France like I fell in love with Italy with Mio and Sebbe. Actually Seb always loved Paris, and I had distasteful memories of Paris with the heat and the Eifel tower and the tourists... but he says I just don’t know his Paris. This is true. With some practice, I could embrace France. Wine and baguettes and cheese and fashion and whores and rude French men. Embrace France with the inscrutable bosom of the known meeting the unknown. Nice looks absolutely beautiful.
Charlie and Angie called me that night on Skype from the Sparegirl Cabin. We had a dinner date. The table was beautifully set and we all had dinner together and drank wine and chatted. I had a place at the table, and it was lovely. It was French night, by the by. Technology can be a wonderful thing. I felt right there with them and my heart didn’t ache as it does. So all it will take for us to have dinner together though apart, is skype. The only disadvantage is not being able to hug them.
I have put the finishing touches on my master plan, which is of course flexible but precipitates an eventual move back towards Vancouver. I am super grateful for this experience here, and very grateful for the knowing I gained, but it’s not the place for me right now so I just have to be realistic and embrace the city once again, though with everything I have learned, it will be a different journey this time around. I have big goals and friends, there is nothing aimless about it. I am so so so over aimless. I am so so so over poor. My opportunities are limited in small towns. It’s hard to put into words the battleground that is my resume when looking at the last three years.
It is May and time has flown by, the time has come. It is time for the big embrace; include, contain, comprise, incorporate, involve, hug, welcome, support, take on, accept, cuddle, encircle, hold in your arms and finally, squeeze.
And wait for it...wait for it.... something big is coming...... embracing it....
Adieu.... Angela
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